Understanding the 4 Greek Types of Love in the Bible and What Love Is Not
In a world that constantly redefines love as a fleeting emotion, a transactional agreement, or mere physical attraction, our hearts can grow weary and confused. We search for it in relationships, achievements, and possessions, often coming up empty. But what if our understanding of love is too small? What if God, the very author of love, has given us a profound and multi-faceted blueprint for what it truly means to love?
The ancient Greeks, whose language the New Testament was written in, had multiple words for love, each describing a different dimension. By exploring these through the lens of Scripture, we can move beyond a shallow definition and embrace the profound, sacrificial, and powerful love that God calls us to give and receive.
The Four Types of Love
Love is not a monolithic feeling. The Bible beautifully illustrates these distinct, yet often overlapping, types of love.
1. Storge: The Bond of Family Lo
Storge (pronounced stor-gay) is the natural, affectionate love found within families; between parents and children, siblings, and even a person and their pet. It’s the love of familiarity, belonging, and deep-rooted loyalty. It’s often taken for granted but forms the bedrock of our security.
The Love of a Mother is a perfect example of Storge Love:
The ultimate biblical example of Storge is found in the story of Moses’ mother, Jochebed.
“When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.” (Exodus 2:2-3, NIV)
Jochebed’s actions were driven by a fierce, protective, storge love. She risked her life to save her son, not because he had done anything for her, but simply because he was hers. This love was later expressed in her being hired as his nurse, nurturing him even in the palace of the enemy.
2. Philia: The Love of Deep Friendsh
Philia (fill-ee-ah) is the love of friendship, companionship, and shared goodwill. It’s the bond forged through common interests, values, and experiences. This is the “brotherly love” that the Bible commands us to have for one another. It’s about mutual respect, trust, and a commitment to walk through life together.
David and Jonathan is a very good example of this kind of love.
The friendship between David and Jonathan is one of the most powerful portraits of Philia in Scripture.
“After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself… And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” (1 Samuel 18:1, 3, NIV)
Jonathan, the king’s son, willingly sacrificed his own claim to the throne out of love and loyalty to David. Their philia was marked by covenant, sacrifice, and a bond that was stronger than family ties or political ambition. They encouraged each other, protected each other, and their souls were “knit together.”
3. Eros: The Passionate Romantic Love
Eros is the love of passion, romance, and physical desire. It is the powerful, intoxicating love between a husband and wife. While our modern culture often isolates and idolizes eros, the Bible celebrates it within the sacred context of marriage. It is a gift from God designed for procreation, pleasure, and profound unity.
The Song of Solomon shows us this kind of love
The entire book of Song of Solomon is a beautiful, poetic celebration of Eros love.
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” (Song of Solomon 8:6, NIV)
This book does not shy away from the beauty of physical attraction and the deep longing between two lovers. It shows that eros, when rooted in commitment and covenant, is holy and good. It is a passionate flame that is meant to be enjoyed exclusively within the safety of marriage.
4. Agape: The Unconditional, Divine Love
Agape (uh-gah-pay) is the highest form of love. It is the unconditional, self-sacrificial, and volitional love of God. Unlike other loves that can be based on feelings or reciprocity, agape is a choice. It is a love that seeks the ultimate good of the other, regardless of the cost to oneself.
Jesus Christ coming to die for us is the exact description of this kind of love.
The entire gospel is the story of Agape love.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, NIV)
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, NIV)
God did not love us because we were lovely; He loved us to make us lovely. Jesus’ death on the cross is the ultimate act of agape; a love that took on our sin, shame, and punishment while we were still hostile to Him. This is the love that forgives the unforgivable, serves the undeserving, and never fails.
What Love Is Not:
To fully understand love, we must also be able to recognize its counterfeits. The world offers cheap imitations that often lead to heartbreak.
- Love is Not Control. True love does not seek to dominate or manipulate. The story of King Saul’s jealousy towards David shows a twisted version of relationship based on control and fear, not love (1 Samuel 18-19).
- Love is Not Transactional. “I will love you if…” or “I love you because…” is conditional, not agape. The Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) showcases a father’s love that was not based on his son’s performance or repayment.
- Love is Not Mere Sentiment. Love is an action, not just a feeling. As 1 John 3:18 says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” Feelings are fickle; covenant love is steadfast.
- Love is Not Enabling Sin. Love “does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). True love will courageously speak the truth for someone’s ultimate good, even when it’s difficult, as Nathan the prophet did with King David (2 Samuel 12).
Discerning True Love from Fake
So, how can we know true love in every kind of relationship; familial, friendly, romantic, or divine?
True Love…
- Seeks the Other’s Good: It asks, “What is best for this person?” even at a personal cost.
- Is Rooted in Truth: It aligns with God’s Word and character. It does not affirm what God calls sin but leads toward holiness and healing.
- Is Sacrificial: It gives freely without demanding a return. It looks like the cross, not a transaction.
- Is Steadfast: It endures through trials, misunderstandings, and seasons of dryness. It is a covenant, not a contract based on feelings.
- Bears Good Fruit: True love produces peace, patience, kindness, and joy (Galatians 5:22-23). A relationship marked by constant anxiety, control, or degradation is not founded on true love.
Ultimately, we can only love others well when we have first received and are being transformed by the perfect agape love of God. He is the source.
When we abide in His love, we are empowered to extend storge, philia, and eros in a way that reflects His grace and truth to a world starving for the real thing.
Look to the Cross; there you will find the definition of love, and from there, you can learn to give it away.
